A quick note from me: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if you choose to make a purchase, at no extra cost to you. I only share products I genuinely use, love, or believe can support your healing journey. Thank you for supporting my work and helping me create free, heartfelt resources for women like us.
Are you the villain in someone else’s story? Have you ever tried to explain your side of the story only to be met with silence or twisted words? Have you walked away from a toxic relationship only to be labeled the bad guy? Sometimes, you become the ‘arch nemesis’ in someone else’s narrative, cast as the ultimate adversary in their story. If so, you’re not alone. Here’s the hard truth I’ve had to learn the long way: you will always be the villain in someone else’s story, and that’s okay.
It stings, doesn’t it? To be misunderstood, to be unfairly labeled as the bad guy, to carry the weight of blame for things you never intended. That kind of emotional burden can feel suffocating, like it’s pressing down on your chest, making it hard to breathe.
But the real breakthrough comes when you realize you can’t control how others see you. It’s not your job to manage their perspective, their narrative, or the version of you they choose to hold onto. Let them have their story. You don’t have to live in it. That’s the moment you begin to reclaim your peace and rewrite your own truth.
The truth is that the energy we spend trying to fix, explain, or prove ourselves is draining and sometimes soul-crushing. That emotional tug-of-war can keep us stuck, slowing down our healing and clouding our path forward.
It took me a long time to understand this: being seen as the villain is usually more about their lens than my intentions.
That shift in perspective changes everything. When you step back, you realize that we see the world through filters shaped by our pain, wounds, and unmet needs. And when you stop to reflect, you start to see your part with clarity.
You begin to ask yourself those more profound questions:
- Did I show up with integrity?
- Was I true to myself, even if it upset them?
- Am I carrying guilt that doesn’t belong to me?
Sometimes, you might be the villain in someone else’s story. And that’s okay. Let’s discuss why this happens and how to let go of their narrative, step into your truth, and keep walking forward.
“Always remember: No matter how carefully you choose your words, they'll always end up being twisted by others.”
Why You're Always the Villain in Someone Else's Story
When You Set Boundaries, You Become the Villain
Toxic people don’t like being told “no.” The moment you draw a line, whether it’s saying I won’t tolerate this or I need to step away, you shatter the image they’ve built of you. Suddenly, you’re no longer the people-pleaser, the caretaker, or the “good girl” they expected you to be. So, to protect their ego, they make you the villain in their story. No matter how well-intentioned you are, you may still be a villain in someone else’s story, and that’s often beyond your control.
How we treat people in these moments matters, and it’s important to approach boundaries with empathy and respect. Don’t let worry over others’ opinions control your actions; focus on your integrity instead.
Everyone makes mistakes in relationships; learning from them is part of personal growth. The significant roles people play in our lives shape our experiences. Focusing on the present allows you to accept yourself and your choices rather than dwelling on past perceptions.
As hard as it is to accept, you’re always the villain in someone else’s story when you stop playing the role they wanted you to play. Every interaction you have with others shapes the story they tell about you.
Your Healing Exposes Their Pain
The moment you choose your own growth, some people will resent you. Resentment and spite can color others’ perceptions, leading them to see your actions negatively. They might say you’ve changed, become distant, or selfish. They’ll twist your story into something it never was.
People will speak about you no matter what you do, often focusing on your changes rather than your reasons. This can hurt deeply, and maintaining your emotional health during these times is essential.
Especially when you are misunderstood, or your intentions are questioned, even friends may see you as a villain in their own story.
In these moments, being honest with yourself about your journey and motives is crucial. You’ll realize I might be the villain in someone else’s story, even as I strive to be the hero in my own story, simply because I chose my peace over their chaos.
But remember: everyone is the villain in someone else’s story at some point. It’s a universal truth, not a reflection of your worth.
They Rewrite the Story to Avoid Accountability
When someone refuses to take responsibility for their actions, they rewrite the narrative. Suddenly, you’re “the one who overreacted,” “the one who left,” “the one who couldn’t handle it.” Judgment and even a lie can shape their version of events, distorting the truth to fit their perspective. It’s easier for them to say you’re the bad guy in someone’s story than to confront their behavior.
Let them have their version. It’s not your job to correct their story because you’re the villain in it, and that’s a reflection of their perspective, not your truth. You can’t control how others interpret or retell the events, but you can control your actions and responses. The power of telling and writing your story lies in choosing how you define yourself.
Think of each narrative as a song; others may choose a different tune, but you decide which lyrics you live by, and your thinking and choices write your story. Ultimately, making sense of your role in the story is about understanding your truth, even if others see it differently.
Finding Freedom in Letting Go
When you feel like the villain in someone else’s story, you may feel the need to be understood and to explain yourself, which is a powerful pull. But chasing validation from those who have already decided you’re the villain is exhausting. Instead, focus on your life and don’t lose yourself trying to fit into someone else’s story.
Here’s what I’ve learned (and what I hope you take with you today):
- We are all villains in someone’s story sometimes because we set boundaries, sometimes because we changed, sometimes because we stopped enabling their behavior. What one person thinks about you may completely differ from your feelings. You may see yourself as a victim, but it’s essential to forgive yourself and do the right thing, even when it’s hard.
- You will always be a villain in someone’s story, but you don’t have to carry that weight. Being a good person is not about being perfect or universally liked but about striving for self-awareness and growth, even when others see you differently. Each experience offers lessons, and focusing on your desire for growth helps you move forward.
- It’s okay to say: “I’ll be the bad guy in your story, but I won’t be the bad guy in my own.” Sometimes, looking in the mirror and honestly reflecting on your actions is the most critical step toward understanding yourself. Every journey is shaped by the lessons you learn and the focus you maintain.
Your peace is worth more than their version of you.
A Gentle Reminder for Your Journey
If you’re struggling with guilt or self-doubt, repeat these affirmations to yourself:
- Someone else’s version of me does not define me.
- I release the need to explain myself to those who refuse to listen.
- I choose peace over being understood by everyone.
- I’ll be the bad guy in your story, but I am my own hero.
- My life is a journey shaped by my choices, growth, and resilience.
- Other people’s ideas about me are reflections of their perceptions, not my reality.
- I acknowledge every feeling I experience, knowing it is part of my self-awareness and growth.
- I choose happiness for myself, regardless of external circumstances.
- I recognize my power to shape my story and overcome adversity.
These affirmations are powerful statements for self-acceptance and growth.
Let Them Tell Their Story, You Keep Living Yours
The next time you feel the urge to defend yourself or prove your innocence, pause. Breathe. And remember: We are all villains in someone else’s story. Sometimes, you will be seen as wrong in another person’s narrative, but that doesn’t make you bad; it makes you human. Your story might look entirely different for someone else, maybe across the world or just across the table. You don’t need to fit their narrative. You don’t need to be the “good one” in everyone’s eyes. You only need to be true to yourself.
Your life is an adventure filled with unexpected twists and turns; every chapter shapes who you become. Along the way, your family and close connections play a vital role in supporting you through each part of your story; even your friends, colleagues, or ladies you admire may see you differently.
So, go ahead and be the villain in someone else’s story if that’s what it takes to protect your peace. Sometimes, it can feel like you’re broken under the weight of judgment or have experienced the death of your reputation, but you can move forward despite it. You’re not here to play the role they assigned you. You’re here to live your truth.
If this message resonates with you, I invite you to subscribe to my newsletter for weekly reflections and resources on healing after emotional abuse. Let’s walk this journey together.
7-Day Holistic Stress Management Plan
Recommended Online Resources
Misunderstandings in Love Relationships
Psychology Today explores how Misunderstandings in Love Relationships can lead to resentment and emotional distance.
Setting Boundaries in Relationships
Simply Psychology discusses the importance of clearly communicating personal boundaries to maintain healthy relationships.
Feeling Misunderstood: Psychological Insights and Coping Strategies
Neurolaunch delves into the psychological impact of feeling misunderstood and offers strategies to cope with these feelings.
Narrative Therapy Techniques
Practical Psychology provides an overview of narrative therapy and how reauthoring personal stories can aid healing.
Setting Boundaries for Well-Being
Mayo Clinic Health System emphasizes setting healthy boundaries for mental and emotional well-being.
Disclaimer: The information in this blog post, You Will Always Be the Villain in Someone Else’s Story, And That’s Okay, is intended solely for informational purposes and should not be considered a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or therapeutic advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Healing from abuse is a complex and individualized process, and while physical fitness and nutrition may aid in overall well-being, they do not replace the need for professional care.
Individuals experiencing significant symptoms of anxiety, depression, trauma, or other mental health conditions are strongly advised to consult a qualified healthcare provider or licensed mental health professional. Under no circumstances should professional medical advice be disregarded or delayed because of information obtained from this blog post.
The author and the website expressly disclaim any liability for any adverse effects or consequences resulting from using or relying on any information presented herein. Readers are reminded that individual circumstances vary, and seeking personalized guidance from appropriate professionals is essential.
Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection: Let go of who you think you're supposed to be and embrace who you are. Hazelden Publishing.
Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (2002). Boundaries: When to say yes, how to say no, to take control of your life. Zondervan.
Gottman, J. (2002). The seven principles for making marriage work. Harmony.
Rosenberg, M. B., & Chopra, D. (2015). Nonviolent communication: A language of life: life-changing tools for healthy relationships. PuddleDancer Press.
Tannen, D. (2002). I only say this because I love you: Talking to your parents, partner, sibs, and kids when you're all adults. Ballantine Books.
A quick note from me: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, which means I may earn a small commission if you choose to make a purchase, at no extra cost to you. I only share products I genuinely use, love, or believe can support your healing journey. Thank you for supporting my work and helping me create free, heartfelt resources for women like us.
This is such a great perspective and so true! We have to set boundaries to respect our needs and have some peace in our lives. And, yes, it can sometimes make us the “villains.” But that’s okay! Nice post! Thank you 🙂
Thank you so much! You’re absolutely right, setting boundaries is an act of self-respect, even if it ruffles a few feathers. I’m happy you enjoyed this post. Here’s to choosing peace, even if it means being misunderstood sometimes.
The older I get, the more I have realized that you will always be the villain in someone else’s story. It’s taken me years, but I learn to accept it a bit better than I did in my younger years!
So true! It really is a tough lesson, isn’t it? I love how you said, “accept it a bit better.” It’s a journey, for sure. Thank you so much for sharing that, it’s a beautiful reminder that we’re all growing through this together.
Thanks for this really good advice
You’re so welcome! I’m so glad you found the advice helpful. Thank you for reading!
This post hit me right in the heart! I’ve definitely been in situations where setting boundaries made me the “villain” in someone else’s narrative, and it’s such a painful but necessary part of growth. Your point about how our healing can expose other people’s pain really resonates – I never thought about it that way before.
The line “I’ll be the bad guy in your story, but I won’t be the bad guy in my own” is so powerful and something I need to remember when I’m tempted to chase validation from people who’ve already made up their minds about me.
Thank you for this reminder that protecting our peace is worth more than trying to control how others see us. Sometimes being misunderstood is the price we pay for choosing ourselves, and that’s okay. This is definitely a post I’ll be coming back to when I need that reminder!
Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m so glad this post resonated with you, your reflection really touched me. Here’s to choosing ourselves, even when it’s hard. Sending love and light your way!
Great topic I agree with most of what you have to say but I also believe we all only see things through our own lens. My friends mum used to say there is that persons truth, the other persons truth and the truth is somewhere down the middle. As the eldest of 9 kids its funny how we could all see situations totally different.
Thank you so much for sharing this! I completely agree our experiences shape how we see things, and perspective plays such a huge role in how we interpret situations. Your friend’s mum was so wise—what a beautiful reminder that there are many sides to every story, and the truth often lies somewhere in between.